The Cooks Buns

A Year of Defining Moments in My Life
2001 was probably the biggest year of my life! I believe life is all about a few big events that help to define who we are and this was definitely a defining year in my life. As, a little girl growing up in the pretty much “perfect” all American family, I never imagined my life could change so drastically in a matter of minutes….but it did and I can look back now and be thankful I am here to tell you about it. Because I did not think I would ever survive this year. Which brings me to say what does not kill you does only make you stronger, trust me! The year starts with me losing my grandma on the first day of the year 1-1-01, which in a way was a blessing because she was very sick for many years and needed to go to be with our good lord, but it still hurts to lose your loved ones and I had lost many before this day, so I knew this pain. I’m bothered to say that I had lost so many loved ones to this point in my life that I recognized the feeling and knew the process. Then came February 10th 2001 and just typing this date makes me break down into tears because this was a day of unimaginable pain for me! In college at the time, my best friend and I had gone to the movies, during that time my daddy called me which he often did when he got off work at night, just to leave me a message that said how much he loved his Kellie Girl and to call him back, so after the movie that’s exactly what I did….but no answer. Later that evening one of my best guy friends came to the house unexpectedly and by the look on his face I knew something was wrong the second he walked in the door and looked at me…but what could it be? He says to me and my best friend we need to go home, Kellie your dad has been shot. I fall to the ground, then hanging over the toilet so sick from the shock, and then we rush home a three hour drive that seemed like eternity, all along knowing my daddy is the strongest man in the world and he would get through this and be just fine. Arrive to the hospital and there’s what seems like hundreds of people starring at me, I ask where is he, let me see him NOW and someone leads me into a room by the ER…my memories start to fade from here because in this room I ask again to take me to him and I clearly remember my aunt saying the coroner has taken him for autopsy, WHAT? This is pretty much the last thing I remember until approximately March 5th 2001 when something inside me told me I was pregnant, not being completely sane during the times leading up to this point all I can say is this was a true Grace of God. Without this pregnancy I can assure you I would not be sane today if I would have even survived this tragedy. Sometime around April we decided to build a house next door to my parent’s house. May flew by and in June we had decided to have a wedding, it was my guy friends baby that I mentioned early and so there I was barefoot and pregnant in a field surrounded by people who loved me, some of the knowing this was not what was in my heart, but through all the heartache of the recent past everyone just went with it. July came and I turned 21, wow to be 21 and pregnant, that past quickly and I just got bigger and bigger, having complications the entire pregnancy in and out of the hospital. August came and went and then 9/11 hit… in watching this tragedy on the TV that morning I started to have contractions again and landed myself back in the hospital. As I lay in the bed begging god to keep my baby safe, I felt guilty for all the lose that had happened that day and here I lay pleading with him once again not to take anyone else away from me. This is a day I will always remember and my heart will forever go out to all the victims of this tragedy forever. Come October I realized this marriage was not working (a whole other story) but wanted to keep trying for our baby girl. November 2001 our beautiful perfect baby girl was born six weeks early, but she was a fighter from the day god blessed us with her and for that I am very grateful. By December I had filed for D.I.V.O.R.C.E knowing that being a single mom in college was going to be hard, but like I said earlier what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger and that is what this year did for me!
Life today is much better; I am a survivor in my own way and in my own time. I am stronger because of these events. I have gone through counseling for Post Traumatic Stress and this is still something I deal with everyday of my life. Although I do not understand all of this and the pain will never go away, I am right where I was always meant to be…with a wonderful family, my true love and husband, and three absolutely amazing children. Thank You God!
I love you Daddy